Jury Duty, Part Deux

Why is it that you get notified to serve for Jury Duty at the most inopportune time?

Remember when Vern got Jury Duty?

He had to report the week he was supposed to return to work after being on medical leave for three months. He was home all that time and could have gladly served and yet the minute that he notified his employer that he was released to return to work, he received a jury duty notice.

Now anyone who knows me at ALL, knows that there's almost nothing I enjoy more than the legal system. I worked in it for years and years. I've attended many trials, typed jury instructions on a portable typewriter while sitting on the floor in the hallway of a courthouse. Court TV is like crack to me and anything related to crime thrills me within an inch of my life.

I haven't gotten a jury duty notice since 1985, which coincidentally was scheduled for a week that I was supposed to be on vacation.

Imagine my shock when after almost 25 years, I get a jury duty notice. I'm scheduled to start the week before we leave for our 15 day cruise.

Any other time, I would be doing cartwheels of joy and planning what I'm going to wear. But really? A one week window before a non-refundable trip?

The jury is in - someone up there hates me.

This is Merely A Delay Tactic to Keep from Cleaning My Bathroom

Disclaimer: This is not my photo. I have found a lot of odd things in the bathroom, but I promise that I do not keep peanut butter sandwiches in there.

I should, in fact, be cleaning my bathroom right now. Instead, I am posting on my long neglected blog. However, I'm doing a little housekeeping all around the house, and the blog needs attention too, right?

If you have a blog, have you ever checked the keyword analysis to see what brings people to your blog? I've posted them from time to time. Some are predictable things that I post about a lot. Some are a little less predictable, but most be popular somewhere in cyberspace.

Once in a while, there's one that will make me scratch my head and wonder "what the hell?" This is one of those.

Keyword Analysis shows that someone was searching for "peanut butter toilet trouble." Of all the things that have brought someone to my blog, this is the one thing that I really don't want to know more about.

It's almost a new year, and I'm going to resolve to pay more attention to my blog next year (which hopefully also means that I will have to pay less attention to emergencies, illnesses, death, and other things I'd rather not have to pay attention to.) However, one thing I can assure you, this will absolutely be my last post on peanut butter toilet trouble.

Fitting really though, since I'm avoiding cleaning the toilet. I'd better not find any peanut butter.

No Children Allowed

I ran across a fun little tool the other day where you can input your web site and it will give you a rating based on the content.

Mine should probably be no surprise to anyone.

Rate My Blog

I apparently used the word "ass" a few too many times. Oddly, I also used the word "punch" one time and that helped me get my rating bumped up to NC-17.

Does this disappoint or upset me? Not a bit. Kind of like Vegas, some things should be reserved just for adults.

I'm okay with that.

Hope Appears Lost. Send Cocktails.

I ran across this awesome site (http://wordle.net/) that creates word clouds from speeches, text, poetry, and websites. The larger the word in your cloud, the more often it appears in the text that you submitted.

I submitted my blog, and this is what it came up with.

So let's consider this for a minute. What the heck is going on with my blogging and thought process that the word "feet" is the most prominent word on my entire blog? Followed quickly by cocktail, power, and fat.

Then there are the words that aren't so prominent but make me wonder what kind of people are finding my blog through Google searches. Words like whips, cheating, gulped, unstable, and nastiness.

Worse yet are the sentences that can be formed from these words:

• Definitely making another drink.
• Unstable toilet might eventually make nastiness.
• Disclaimer: Fat makes wrinkles look scary.
• Pretty hot nurses enjoy curing.
• Hope appears lost. Send cocktails.

It's like a bad version of those refrigerator magnet words.

Powerless

Last night, once again, we lost power for no apparent reason. Who knows why, but the electricity situation is more unstable here than anywhere I've ever lived.

We tried to make the most of the situation; however, it's sort of hard to make the most of it being pitch black, no water, and no toilets (because we are on a well and when there is no power, there is no water).

We spent a couple of hours sitting on the porch talking and enjoying a few drinks. Eventually, we decided to give it up and just go to bed.

At which time the lights immediately came back on.

It appears that the power company really DOES have a sense of humor.

Lost in a Sea of Desperation

Also known as the Driver's License office.

It's a ritual of the residents of Illinois. Drag yourself into the closest Driver's License renewal facility, stand in line for 20 minutes just to receive a number so that you can sit among the unwashed for another 2 hours. All so that you can hand over $10 and get a new driver's license. Rinse and repeat every 4 years.

I'm happy to report that I'm all set for another 4 years.

However, I do feel sorry for the guy who must have been the temporary worker operating the camera today. He is SO going to get fired when they find out that he was actually taking photos that do not look like mugshots.

Rock On

Tonight we watched Shrek the 3rd.



We're rocking now. . .

In our rocking chairs apparently.

Sorry I Haven't Posted. I Went on a Trip.

Over a dog.

Into the front door.

And through the wall.

I went head first into the door and I'm lucky the glass didn't break. I ended up with a concussion, a serious headache, and very limited neck movement.

Tomorrow I'm taking another trip.

To the chiropractor.

How is This for Irony?

Vern has been off of work for three months. We spoke to the doctor and got the schedule for the final (hopefully) two surgeries that he's going to need to have as well as his recovery period. He should be off work for another month or so.

He called his work trade partner to let him know when he would most likely be returning to work.

Today, he received . . .

A notice for jury duty.

For the week he is supposed to return to work.

Honestly folks, I couldn't make this stuff up.

Wait, Wait! Don't Go.

You're at the right place.

I'm just doing a little housekeeping and brightening up for the summer.

Sometimes you just have to take out the trash and freshen things up a little.

Who Says Old Dogs Can't Learn New Tricks?

Oh yeah, we know how to work the Internets.

We Have Had a MIRACLE!

Vern found something in the refrigerator.

By himself.

Who Thought This Was a Good Idea?

After Vern's surgery, we had to get some prescriptions filled. Our local grocery store/drug store just built a fancy new store with a drive thru pharmacy.

We used it for the first time, and this is what we found.

Now really. Who thought this was a good idea? Most people who are using the drive thru at the pharmacy are either too sick to go into the store themselves or have someone in their family who is too sick to go into the store.

Is a phone handset that is used by every single person, sick or not, really the best idea for a drive thru pharmacy? I'm not even a germaphobe, and it made me queasy to touch it.

I can just hear the marketing pitch for this one.

"So, what's a way to not only retain our current customers, but also ensure that we get NEW customers. . . "

Excuse Me Ma'am, There's a Goat in Your Yard

The installers for the soapstone were here today. "Ma'am? There's a goat in your yard" was not exactly what I expected to hear them say. I'm pretty sure it wasn't what they expected either seeing as how they are from the Chicago area and I'm certain that most of their customers don't have goats in their yard.

But today was just one of those kinds of days. Fortunately, they aren't our goats. They belong down the street. But today our yard must have been interesting.

Also, fortunately, they like to play follow the leader, and Vern was able to get them back home without any trouble.

Except for the part where we got charged by a goose, rammed by a goat, and stepped in goat poop.

Oh, and we got our soapstone counters too.

So I guess the day wasn't all bad.

HEY - Someone Stole My Idea

No fair. Organize.com (http://www.organize.com/slipper-genie.html ) stole my idea.

I'm oddly intrigued and repulsed (because I know how dirty my floors can get) with these at the same time.



Oh well, I guess now I'll just have to work harder on my idea for Swiffer slippers for the dogs.

(Note to self - if you are ever a foot model, please make sure your pedicure is fresh.)

WTF are you people looking for?

Seriously - I want to know.

Every once in a while I get a little report that shows me the search terms that people have used and then landed at my blog.

I can understand searching for "Moderne Log Cabin." After all, it's a very popular pattern from a very popular knitting book. I can also understand "remodeled laundry room" because I'm sure we did our share of searching when we were planning it.

But a few of the terms that have confused me lately? What in the world was someone looking for when they searched "knit doctor's hammer?" I would imagine a doctor's hammer made from knitting wouldn't be very useful.

And what about "buttermilk popcorn ceiling." Having just waged battle with our popcorn ceiling, I can only hope that one made from buttermilk is easier to deal with. You have my prayers.

I also want to be invited to the person's house who searched for "welcome sandwiches." I don't know what they are, but I bet they are yummy.

So if you are one of the people that landed at this blog because of a search on Google, drop me a line and let me know what you really were searching for.

Unless you are the person who searched for "mason-dixon knitting chicken beans crock-pot." I'm a little scared of you.

P.S. I know I promised an update on the cabinets. They are here. And they are still in their boxes until Sunday, except for the stained glass doors which I couldn't wait to see. It's just gorgeous. Too bad they made it in the wrong color. . . . And the wrong pattern.

It's 5 a.m. Do You Know Where Your Parents Are?

Most people who know us know that the only way we are going to see 5 a.m. is to sneak up behind it rather than in front of it. Part of that is because of Vern's work schedule but also because we are both confirmed night owls.

It creates a dilemma because my very favorite meal to eat in a restaurant is breakfast. Not at lunchtime and not at dinnertime. I want my breakfast in the morning. But we almost never make it out in time for breakfast.

Today we found ourselves working early into the morning as we often do. Later than normal even.

So at 5 a.m. we packed it up and went to breakfast. And let me tell you, it was good.

I can also tell you that the people who are seeing 5 a.m. at the start of a fresh new day and the people who are seeing it at the end of their day are very different. We felt like zombies in a field of sunflowers.

I'm Giddy with Excitement

Yes, I admit it. I'm a huge dork.

I am giddy with excitement.

Because of the writer's strike, they will be having an "extra" season of Big Brother. Big Brother 9 will premier on February 12, 2008.

I. Can't. Wait.