Eye, Yi, Yi.

You have to love an emergency, pre-Thanksgiving trip to the eye doctor. Or two.

Believe it or not, it's not ME this time. Nope, even worse. It's Vern. He's had a sudden loss of central vision, so we are headed off to our normal eye doctor for a quick check in the morning and then to a retina specialist as soon after as possible.

Anything but vision. It could be anything but his vision. We're already working at half capacity in that area as it is.

You Can't Scare Me

Ask anyone. I thrive on blood and gore. I grew up on gunslingers, mass murder, and horror.

I was reading about the Boston Strangler and Charles Manson when my peers were reading The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew.

If the TV is on at our house, it's most likely a crime show of some sort or, better yet, a live trial.

I've never seen a movie that left me trembling. Jaws? Bring it tuna breath. The Exorcist? What a bunch of babies.

The joke in our house is that I could kill my husband and no one would ever suspect me or find his body. And I wouldn't even break a sweat or a nail doing it.

However, I've met my match. So much so, that I'm not even sure I can stand to have the cover of this movie on the blog. (If I abandon the blog, you'll know why).

Last night I watched "The Exorcism of Emily Rose."




How I missed this movie when it was first released, I don't know. Why I didn't pass it up this time around, I'll always regret.

Holy crap (no pun intended), this movie is S-C-A-R-Y. Not in a Stephen King boogie man kind of way and not in a psychological thriller kind of a way, but scary in a way that will make you afraid to look out the window or look at a clock in the middle of the night.

I honestly could not get this movie out of my house fast enough.

And if I wake up again tonight at 3:00 AM, I am seriously out of here.

It Has Been One of Those Days

What has happened to customer service? To doing your job well? To actually getting things right?

It seems as though I have a full time job sometimes keeping up with the mistakes or issues that companies and service providers make. It is nothing new, but days like today really make me tear my hair out.

Today I had to bring out my inner "Bitch on Wheels." I not afraid to trot her out every once in a while.


Incident #1
You know all that crap that comes in the same envelope as your bill? That stuff that you just pitch in the trash when you pull out the bill for payment? Read it. Study it. Especially if it is in your credit card bill.

While this one could potentially be filed under "Buyer Beware," it really is one of those tricky things that companies pull hoping that the consumer won't notice. Fortunately, I just happened to notice the small print on my credit card bill that said "see enclosed notification for changes to your terms." Sure enough, when I fished it out from the bottom of the trash, there it was - a notice that our interest rate was going to more than double unless we "opted out" of the interest rate change. If you don't opt out - in writing - in the next two weeks, you are screwed.

It seems that credit cards are passing on their financial woes of extending credit to people who can't pay it back along to the people who can pay it back. Sure enough, when I called to find out WTF was going on, they advised me that it was "nothing personal" or even related to our account, which by the way we appreciate you paying so timely every month, but we are increasing rates for some of our customers.

I can, of course, opt out of it, but the second I use the card for any reason, then the rate automatically hops up close to 20%. No thanks.

In my mind, the credit card company loses on this one because not only do they now have to lock in my rate at the current low interest rate until I pay it off, but I also will no longer ever use the card again for any new charges.

Screw you AAA.

Incident #2
Remember my pretty new range top? The one that cost us a small fortune? The one that we have only had for a few months? It quit working.

I can live with that. We have a warranty on it. Things happen.

However, what I cannot live with is the fact that I have been waiting for 5 weeks to get it repaired. Not only that, when I called to find out WTF was going on, (are you seeing a pattern here?) it appears that my original service call and all resulting return calls were lost in space. No record of them at all. I paid $3,000 for a range top that worked for 6 months and they cannot even keep track of my phone calls? Now we start all over. Someone is coming out tomorrow to look at it, but I know that it is going to take a few more weeks to order parts, so I am back to square one.

Incident #3
I am convinced this is a case of "wait and see if they notice." We have had Verizon service for several years. One of the reasons we have had it is because we get a significant discount through Vern's employer.

I was straightening some files today and realized that somewhere around May our discount stopped. When I called to find out WTF was going on, it turns out that even though we are still entitled to the discount and it appears on our account, they just stopped applying it to our bills. No reason. Just stopped. It took several minutes to convince them that today was not the day that they wanted to tangle with me and that it would just be in their best interest to straighten it out and also give me a credit for the 5 months that they haven't been giving us the discount (which amounts to over one full month's bill). In the end, I got the credit and they increased our discount.

Seriously, this is not the week to screw with me. Vern is hiding in the shop all week. The dogs are begging him to take them with him. I suggest that if you see my name on your caller ID that you do not answer. Sometimes, I'm even sick of my own bitching.

Now, on to the next victim.

Someone Needs to Go on a Diet

I guess I've been lying to myself. Telling myself that he's not fat, he's just tall and muscular.

Unfortunately, our vet set me straight yesterday. Yes, that's right. My chocolate lab Jackson isn't fluffy. He's fat. He weighed in at a whopping 122 pounds. Now I should qualify that and say that he actually IS an extremely tall dog, but he still needs to lose about 10 pounds.

So, just in time for the holiday treats, Jackson is on a diet.

However, I'm not sure what the vet meant when she gently said "I know that when I have a few extra pounds, so does my dog."

Okay - I do know what she meant. I choose to ignore it.

How About a Little Dirty Dancing?

Yesterday Vern surprised me by planning a day in Chicago from start to finish (with some help from Ashley).

We drove into Midway and then took the El train into Chicago. That was a nice relaxing way to go, because really - who wants to drive in downtown Chicago.

After arriving, we walked a couple of blocks to Macy's. They had already started to decorate for Christmas, so it was fun to see the Christmas window displays.

We had dinner at the famous Walnut Room at Macy's.

Macy's had already put up the "Great Tree," a 45 foot Christmas tree that is right in the center of the Walnut Room. I'm glad they have to decorate it and not me.


The food was good and the service was excellent. Vern had the famous potpie and I had lobster bisque and Asiago crusted chicken breast.
We had dessert too. Unfortunately, there wasn't time for photos of that!

After dinner, we walked to the Cadillac Palace and saw the stage presentation of Dirty Dancing. The show was fantastic and the cast and sets were amazing.

Having spent all of my summers at resorts, Dirty Dancing has always brought back fond memories. Although I didn't find Johnny Castle at any of them, I did find a guy one summer that I'm kind of fond of.

Even if he can't dance.

Morning Wood

Once or twice a year, it happens like clockwork.



We get an early morning delivery of wood for our fireplace. We use our fireplace 24/7 in the cooler months, so one cord won't be enough to get us through the winter, but it will be enough to get a good start on it.

Always helpful, Lincoln carries the first piece in for the fire.


Morning wood. It's what makes the cold mornings bearable.

Seasonal Switcharoo

It's time once again for the purging of our closets and the seasonal switcharoo. We have very small closets and neither of us require a large wardrobe (although if you count the 74 grey t-shirts in Vern's closet, you might think he has some sort of a fetish for the color grey.)

Vern's clothes are always on black hangers and my clothes are always on white hangers. At least once a year we pull everything from the closet and purge through it. Anything that hasn't been worn in the past few months gets donated or tossed with only a few exceptions. This is the time that I have to fight with Vern to keep the two pair of decent Dockers and button down shirts that he owns on the slim chance that we actually will go somewhere that requires something nicer than a pair of jeans and a grey t-shirt.

It's also the time that we switch out the hangers, temporarily hanging my clothes on the black hangers and Vern's on the white hangers. Then when the clothes are worn and laundered, they are hung on the "right" colors and it's easy to tell what hasn't been worn in the next few months and needs to find a new home.

Not that I'm anal or anything.

A Guilt Trip for Halloween

We don't usually get a lot of trick or treaters, but I always like to give those that do come here a nice treat so they won't egg our house because I'm a nice person.

However, this year, we aren't going to be around for Halloween. I felt bad about it because I remember how disappointing it was to see a house where there was no porch light.

My guilt got the best of me Because I'm a nice person, I picked up several giant sized candy bars and made wrappers for them so that I could deliver them early to the neighborhood kids so they won't egg our house so they wouldn't waste a trip to our house.



The wrappers were easy to make - I just downloaded a couple of Halloween clip art images, added our names, printed them on an 8.5" x 11" sheet of paper, trimmed to the right size for the wrapper, and slipped them over the candy bar.

The hard part was not eating the candy before I delivered them.

You Just Don't Understand

I know it's pathetic, but unless you live somewhere where there is virtually no shopping, you don't know how exciting something like this can be.



That's right. Three new stores opened this week in our area. THREE! That's huge for this wasteland that I refer to as shopper's hell.


And even better than three new stores opening is that one of them is Hobby Lobby. But that's not the good part. The good part is that it is . . . . drumroll please . . . . right next to Menards.


I may never have to suffer through the plumbing department at Menards again.

I'm a Design Star

Okay, so I'm not really a Design Star. I just faked it to get your attention. But I can pretend to be a Design Star in my own house.

We had a difficult wall in our family room. It was long and blank, but because of the narrow path leading to our sun room, it's not a wall that really can have furniture against it.

My original intention was to have a photo wall, but lately, I'm really hating that look. Okay, you caught me. That's another lie. I'm lazy and I don't want to dust all those freaking photo frames.

So the truth (really this time!) is that I stole an idea straight from last season's Design Star winner, Jennifer Bertrand, and decided to paint the wall with a graphic leaf design.

I first drew the design on the wall in chalk so that I could make any adjustments that I wanted before I started painting.


Then I painted the design in the next color down from our wall color so that it is somewhat monochromatic. I also plan on using this color (the color of the leaves) in another adjoining room, so this will tie it all in together.

I'm actually really happy with the way it turned out. It gives some interest to the wall, but doesn't take up any physical space.

And it doesn't have to be dusted.

Up on the Rooftop

No, it wasn't Santa Claus coming for an early trip down the chimney.

It was the chimney sweep.

That's not entirely true either. It was the "Chimney Sweep formerly known as my husband."

He didn't even have to use a level!

Meet Sully

The labs have a new best friend. His name is Sully. He is a Rhodesian Ridgeback mix that lives in our area.

Sully is apparently quite the escape artist. He loves to run away from his home and come to play with the labs. He's really a great dog, and we don't mind him coming to play with the dogs at all.

I just wish they had checked with me before they taught him to use the dog door. I got quite the surprise when I got out of the shower and came face to face with Sully yesterday.



If I had pants on at the time, I'm sure I would have wet them.

Double, Double, Toilet Trouble

Ah yes, it is once again Fall. That lovely season that brings crisp, cool weather, changing leaves, and trick or treaters. However, it appears that it also brings an October Surprise for us each year in the form of problems with our septic and well.

It has been one year almost to the day of "The Great Well Disaster of 2007."

What a crappy way to end an already crappy year.

My Own Private Victory

I don't really talk a lot about this, so if you are a casual reader of this blog, you wouldn't know this about me. And even if you are a close friend, you may not know it about me. But I have a fear of driving.

I haven't always had it, although I've never been a big fan of being behind the wheel, but I managed okay until I started to lose my vision. There were quite a few times that the day would start out fine and I would get to work, but then by the end of the day, it became difficult to get home. Finally, I started working from home and that pretty much solved the driving issue. For several years, I couldn't legally drive.

Unfortunately, during that time, we also had the car accident, which sort of affected me as both a passenger and a driver. Since I couldn't drive for a couple of years after that, it was sort of a "couldn't get back on the horse" kind of thing. By the time I could drive again legally, it had been long enough to really make me nervous to get behind the wheel.

I've done pretty well around town or going places that I am familiar with. But a drive of more than 20 miles would freak me out and I would find a way to avoid it.

I've recently come to the realization that I can't live my life that way. I want to be one of those adventurous types who can hop in the car and go for a roadtrip with my girlfriends on a moment's notice. (Okay, I'll never be a spur of the moment kind of person, but just go with me on it, okay?)

My dad has had some recent health issues that have made me realize I need to visit him more often and we can't always find time in our schedule to devote an entire day to making the drive to see him. I do, however, have lots of time while Vern is working.

So, armed with my new GPS (because I have the navigation and directional skills of a blind person in a paper bag), I threw the dogs in the car (they are as close to girlfriends as I could manage today), and I set off to drive a few hours each way to see my dad.

I'm happy to report that I didn't get lost once, I didn't have a panic attack, and most importantly, I didn't die in a fiery crash.

I know you are all relieved.

Happy Anniversary

It is hard to believe but it has been four years today since my first transplant. Hard to believe because the time has both flown by and also seemed to stretch forever at the same time.

I try to remind myself every day to take good care of and make good use of the gift that a grieving family so selflessly gave. And today I stop for a moment to thank them as they also celebrate an anniversary that is not such a happy one.

If you haven't already talked to your family about organ and tissue donation, please do so and let them know your feelings as well as find out their feelings on the subject.

I don't know if my corneas came from a man or woman, young or old, rich or poor. But I do know that their family had to make a difficult decision at a difficult time and for that, I am grateful.

Finally Moving in the Right Direction

Progress has once again started on the house after the long hiatus during Vern's kidney boulder episode. Vern's parents came from Minnesota to stay with us for a week, and Vern and his dad worked on several different projects.

One of those projects was our range hood.



It's a good thing they were here because by the time that we got the hood installed, it had taken the effort of all four of us!

But I think the effort was worth it.



Oh, and I finally figured out where Vern got his talent for using a level. (What you can't see in the photo is that they BOTH have a level in their hands.)

Knock Knock

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Alpaca!
Alpaca who?
Alpaca picnic lunch!

Recently I went two two local alpaca farms for National Alpaca Day, an annual event where alpaca farms across the United States open their gates to the public to get a close-up experience of these fascinating creatures. I had no idea that we had any alpaca farms nearby, let alone two!


I learned so much about these darling creatures. For example, did you know that they always have a guard llama with them? Alpacas are such gentle creatures, but a llama is more aggressive and will guard them. (In case you don't know your alpaca from your llama, the llama is the rather ugly grey girl with the face like a horse.)

Don't you just want to grab a handful of fluff and nuzzle your face right into them? Unfortunately, they are very shy and don't like much human contact. It's just unfair that something that cute can't be cuddled.

My main reason for going was to see if they had any alpaca yarn for sale. And boy did they! They had enough to get me into trouble for a long time.

The yarn came from the very alpacas pictured above. I think that part of it makes it so neat. I can't even put into words how soft this stuff is.

This one is my favorite.

It is a mixture that comes from mother and daughter alpacas. See the mix of brown and black? It reminds me of my labs.

If you get a chance to visit an alpaca farm, "paca picnic lunch" and do it! But leave some yarn for me.

The Garage Sale to End All Garage Sales

Really. I mean it this time.

I will NEVER, EVER have another garage sale. This one almost literally killed me.

Yes, we made over $1,000. Yes, we got rid of a lot of junk (and the rest was donated because I'm not sure if I mentioned it but I'll never, ever have another garage sale.) And yes, it was only one and a half days out of our lives.

However, I don't know if I'm just older, more out of shape, or this garage sale was evil to its very core, but it nearly did both Vern and I in. I don't even want to drive by a garage sale. I don't want to see a garage sale sign. I don't even want to open the newspaper for fear of seeing an ad for a garage sale.

Even worse than the garage sale (I know! How could it be worse??!!) is that now there is the very likely possibility that we are not only known as the heirs to the Uno fortune but we are also known as the neighborhood pervs.

Long story short: we sold a sex toy to one of the neighborhood children.

Not just any child, but the grandchild of the neighborhood gossips. The ones that already told everyone that my family invented Uno. The one that "just happened" to be at the emergency room a few weeks ago when I tried to sneak in and out without anyone knowing. Yes, that neighbor.

What? You need the long story on this one? I'd like to say that it's not as bad as it seems, but it is.

Several years ago, Vern received a gag gift of a "Studmaster" exerciser.


It is an exerciser for the, errrr, male organ. After several years of kicking this thing around (NO HE DIDN'T USE IT), we decided to just throw it in our garage sale and rid ourselves of this. I've seen lots of gag gifts at garage sales (what kind of people do I hang around with??). I put it on an appropriately adult height shelf and watched it like a hawk.

Several adults looked at it and giggled but everyone left it on the shelf (except for our flirty neighbor who just had to bring it over and ask if DH had used it. I told her he used it while holding a level.).

Then it happened. A little boy handed me a quarter. I looked down to see what the little guy was buying with his allowance and low and behold, he had the Studmaster in his hand.

Seriously, what could I do? I don't know what I could have done, but what I did was grab it out of his hand, shove it in a bag and quickly moved on.

I'll let his mom handle this one. I'm busy dodging the drive by looky-loos that have suddenly popped up to see what kind of people live in this house.

Despite Reports to the Contrary. . .

I am not in jail.

Things around here have just been super busy. You can expect several updates in the next few days. It has definitely been hopping around here and I need to get back into the daily habit of blogging.

So, despite what my friends (you know who you are) might have told you, I am not in jail. Although there was that incident at our garage sale . . . (stay tuned)

All This Peter Is Just Too Much

That's not something that most husbands hear on a daily basis. And yet, it's what I complained about all day long today.

Recently, Vern has been reading Peter Walsh's book, "Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Big?" which explores the connection between clutter and weight control.

I've been hearing "Peter says this" and "Peter recommends that" for days now regarding the kitchen. Peter apparently thinks we need to clean out our refrigerator and pantry and get rid of any excess food that we aren't going to use this week.

While I wouldn't say we are going THAT far, we did decide to work together on cleaning out both of our refrigerators and our pantry shelves to rid them of outdated food or food that we simply know we aren't interested in anymore.

Don't let the photos fool you. We DID work together on this; Vern didn't do ALL the work.

Now, if Peter would just come finish my kitchen, I'd be all over him.

Hope Appears Lost. Send Cocktails.

I ran across this awesome site (http://wordle.net/) that creates word clouds from speeches, text, poetry, and websites. The larger the word in your cloud, the more often it appears in the text that you submitted.

I submitted my blog, and this is what it came up with.

So let's consider this for a minute. What the heck is going on with my blogging and thought process that the word "feet" is the most prominent word on my entire blog? Followed quickly by cocktail, power, and fat.

Then there are the words that aren't so prominent but make me wonder what kind of people are finding my blog through Google searches. Words like whips, cheating, gulped, unstable, and nastiness.

Worse yet are the sentences that can be formed from these words:

• Definitely making another drink.
• Unstable toilet might eventually make nastiness.
• Disclaimer: Fat makes wrinkles look scary.
• Pretty hot nurses enjoy curing.
• Hope appears lost. Send cocktails.

It's like a bad version of those refrigerator magnet words.

The Answer, My Friend, Is Blowing in the Wind

The answer might be blowing in the wind, but I hate it when my hair is.

The air conditioning in my Jeep isn't working right now, so I've been driving with the windows down. Unfortunately, my shoulder length hair whips around making it virtually impossible to drive. Not only is it a hazard, I resemble Phyllis Diller once I arrive to my destination.

Lately I've resorted to wearing a baseball cap while driving, which doesn't do much for my feminine side, even if it is pink.

I love the look of crocheted caps, but since I don't crochet very well (and feel like I'm cheating on knitting when I do crochet), my hope of having a cute, open weave summer cap was slim.

However, I finally found a knitted version that I was able to modify and VOILA! I present to you my "No More Blowing in the Wind" summer cap.




It's made from some leftover Egyptian cotton, but I like it so much that I'm making another one from some pink ribbon.

So now I have to find another excuse when I arrive at my destination looking like a hot mess.

Powerless

Last night, once again, we lost power for no apparent reason. Who knows why, but the electricity situation is more unstable here than anywhere I've ever lived.

We tried to make the most of the situation; however, it's sort of hard to make the most of it being pitch black, no water, and no toilets (because we are on a well and when there is no power, there is no water).

We spent a couple of hours sitting on the porch talking and enjoying a few drinks. Eventually, we decided to give it up and just go to bed.

At which time the lights immediately came back on.

It appears that the power company really DOES have a sense of humor.

Pedi Cure

Disclaimer: The above photo is not of my feet. Although the nail color is the same, unfortunately the actual photo of my feet seems to indicate that I not only have fat toes, but that my feet also have wrinkles. I may have to take my camera in for service because I'm SURE that my toes aren't fat and my feet don't have wrinkles in real life.

Ahhhhh. Is there anything better than a pedicure? Not for me. I've been putting it off all year for one reason or another. In fact, I've put it off for a couple of years without realizing it.

I'm definitely going to be making it more of a priority in the future because it definitely has a way of curing whatever ails me.

Except apparently for fat toes and wrinkly feet.

How About a Cocktail?

My tip for today is as follows. . .

If someone hands you a green and foamy drink and says it's a GI cocktail, just say no.

This lesson is brought to you by my trip to the emergency room last night for a scary, but fortunately not serious, although yet to be diagnosed medical issue.

I can only plead ignorance, however, on the GI cocktail. So enthralled with the offer of a cocktail at the hospital, I grabbed it and gulped without fully hearing the nurse's words "This is going to taste really bad."

Just as those words were registering, so was the idea that with anything labeled GI, it's a pretty sure bet that something is probably going in one end or coming out the other within a matter of minutes.

Luckily, neither turned out to be true and it was merely to rule out any gastro problems as a source of my pain. However, the vision - and taste - of that green and bubbling nastiness will stay with me for quite some time.

And one final bonus tip for the day - keep your legs shaved because you never know when an emergency trip to the hospital will involve care by Nurse Aaron and Dr. Hottie.

Island Bound

Lately we've been doing a lot of talking about the possibility of moving out of the country to an island in the Caribbean. It's all talk at this point and wouldn't be for many, many years down the road, but it still makes us think what it is about that lifestyle that we crave.

Other than the obvious beautiful weather and scenery, it's the laid back lifestyle that appeals to us. Entire days of enjoying life and doing whatever our mood moves us to do that day.

That leads to the question of why we can't create that life for ourselves here and now.

Of course, we can't recreate the beautiful weather. Illinois weather being what it is, describing it as beautiful at any time of the year would be a huge lie.

And the scenery isn't much to look at unless you like miles and miles of corn.

However, there really isn't any reason that we can't spend days doing whatever our mood drives us to do.

Vern's work schedule is such that he has several days in a row at home between his work shifts, so that's not the obstacle that it is for most people. We have flight benefits and can fly almost anywhere we would want to fly, and we both love driving trips, so the ability to travel isn't the issue. What is the issue is getting tied down with the house.

Realistically though, it's not the house itself. It's the stuff that is in the house. So much to take care of, so much to maintain, and so much to deal with. Frankly, we spend so much time dealing with the stuff of life, that it sucks the enjoyment out of life itself.

Our garage sale has been pushed back to mid September. Vern's work schedule for the next few weeks is going to be hectic, and we are just doing what it takes for him to get through that.

The positive of that is that it gives me time to once again reevaluate the things we have. What do we really treasure and what is merely "stuff" that is taking up space, collecting dust, and creating work.

So, as I work through each room in our house over the next few weeks while Vern is at work, I intend to put on my favorite sundress, throw a little Bob Marley in the CD player, make myself an icy margarita and pretend that I'm clearing things out so that we can live that island style life that we want so much.

Minus the beautiful weather and scenery.

Garage for Sale

Not really, but if the price was right, it probably could be.

Our long needed garage sale is approaching in a couple of weeks. We started setting up and unpacking boxes. It will take several days of set up, cleaning, and pricing, and I really don't want to do it all at the last minute in case the weather turns hot as it usually does this time of year.

For now, though, everything is a disorganized mess. I have no idea where all of this junk came from.



On a related note, we snagged three Ethan Allen chairs and a wooden office chair that were sitting at our neighbor's curb. Vern will probably use them in his shop.

Did I already mention that I'm not sure where all of our junk comes from?

Our Visit to Dr. Funsucker

Remember how I mentioned that one of Vern's recent tests had come back with some abnormal results?

After our meeting with the specialist this week, it seems that there was not one abnormal result, but FOUR. They all point to a high probability of kidney stones.

This was, of course, news to us. I'm sure glad we went through four months of hell only to have someone tell us that he has a high likelihood of forming kidney stones. Because we couldn't have figured that one out on our own.

Anyway, back to the fun part. Here's what Dr. Funsucker told Vern.





No soda. No chocolate. No meat. No other women.


Okay, I'm joking about the "other women" part. I paid the doctor to tell him that.

Another Completed Project

Pattern: Waterlily Top by Katy Ryan (Interweave Knits, Spring 2006)
Yarn: Ornaghi Filati Bazar Le Fantasie - Egyptian Cotton


Of all the projects I've finished so far in my (very short) knitting life, this is by far my favorite. It fits perfectly, the yarn was a dream to knit with, and best of all it took less than a week from start to finish.

I'll definitely make this one again next summer, probably in a plain color.

My only complaint is that like most other tops that are in style recently, it treats everyone to a peep show unless I wear a tank top underneath.