Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The Garage Sale to End All Garage Sales

Really. I mean it this time.

I will NEVER, EVER have another garage sale. This one almost literally killed me.

Yes, we made over $1,000. Yes, we got rid of a lot of junk (and the rest was donated because I'm not sure if I mentioned it but I'll never, ever have another garage sale.) And yes, it was only one and a half days out of our lives.

However, I don't know if I'm just older, more out of shape, or this garage sale was evil to its very core, but it nearly did both Vern and I in. I don't even want to drive by a garage sale. I don't want to see a garage sale sign. I don't even want to open the newspaper for fear of seeing an ad for a garage sale.

Even worse than the garage sale (I know! How could it be worse??!!) is that now there is the very likely possibility that we are not only known as the heirs to the Uno fortune but we are also known as the neighborhood pervs.

Long story short: we sold a sex toy to one of the neighborhood children.

Not just any child, but the grandchild of the neighborhood gossips. The ones that already told everyone that my family invented Uno. The one that "just happened" to be at the emergency room a few weeks ago when I tried to sneak in and out without anyone knowing. Yes, that neighbor.

What? You need the long story on this one? I'd like to say that it's not as bad as it seems, but it is.

Several years ago, Vern received a gag gift of a "Studmaster" exerciser.

It is an exerciser for the, errrr, male organ. After several years of kicking this thing around (NO HE DIDN'T USE IT), we decided to just throw it in our garage sale and rid ourselves of this. I've seen lots of gag gifts at garage sales (what kind of people do I hang around with??). I put it on an appropriately adult height shelf and watched it like a hawk.

Several adults looked at it and giggled but everyone left it on the shelf (except for our flirty neighbor who just had to bring it over and ask if DH had used it. I told her he used it while holding a level.).

Then it happened. A little boy handed me a quarter. I looked down to see what the little guy was buying with his allowance and low and behold, he had the Studmaster in his hand.

Seriously, what could I do? I don't know what I could have done, but what I did was grab it out of his hand, shove it in a bag and quickly moved on.

I'll let his mom handle this one. I'm busy dodging the drive by looky-loos that have suddenly popped up to see what kind of people live in this house.


Kami said...

Oh my GOSH! That is so funny. I wonder if the mom will say anything. You have to update if she does!!

Carmen said...

Oh I love it!!!!! I am so tickled by your blog! This is some funny stuff. So tell me did you go to jail? LOL Since you are part of the UNo family it should be easy for you to bail out of jail. :)I want you to know that if my dh would have stopped at your g-sale he would have bought that studly piece of equipment * I can't hardly type I am laughing so hard* So he could hear me laugh for a long time. Ah, DH he is so good to me. LOL

Theresa Burgess said...

How about just regifting it??

lauren said...

OH GOD!!!!!!!! That is a GREAT STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!! At least we can get some laughs out of it, right????

Sarah C. said...

OMGoodness! LOL What a story. Thanks for the chuckle. :D

Mary said...

That was freaking hilarious!

Sabrina said...

Too funny! Love it!

wholarmor said...

LOL! How embarrassing!

You should have said,"Sorry, you must be 18 or over to buy this."

Jennifer Barkand said...

I saw the "end" of this story on another site where I had been directed on how to get the sticky residue off tupperware. And I haven't stop laughing!! Ohh just too funny! Thanks for the belly laughs. I really needed them.